Grow Some Hair Or Stay Gay

Posted By on July 20, 2014

A couple months ago, I cut my hair short. Super short.

Why I cut my hair super short:

Hot flashes, or as I call them Napalm Incidents. Hair kept the napalm from escaping out of my head, instead trapping it against my skull and exacerbating the issue. I was sick of it.

The hot, dry summer weather. It's hot and dry in the high desert, okay? And static hair drives me insane. I was sick of it.

I'm over it. I'm just over hair. The time and effort it takes to wash it, condition it, style it, restyle it, worry if it still looks okay. I'd rather not. Sick of it.

I'll be honest, the short hair probably doesn't fit my face or body, I look better with some hair. I'll also be honest about the fact that I don't care. I've cut my prep time in half. I don't have to carry hair ties, clips, pins or anything else. My brush can become misplaced, no freak out involved.

So… the problem? Since cutting my hair, I've been mistaken for or asked if I was gay more than once.

Is my sexual orientation really tied into my hair? Does heterosexual status fall to the floor with the snip of scissors, get swept up and thrown away? What the heck?

Interestingly, I've had my hair this short before, when Grave's disease was doing its best to kill me and my hair was falling out. As far as I can recall, no one questioned my orientation then.

I've been married half my life and have two kids. But I often don't wear a wedding ring, or makeup because my super sensitive skin screams at me about it. I don't run around in heels and sparkly, revealing clothing. Now my hair is short. Am I gay?

Why does a woman with short hair and sensible shoes automatically mean gay? Can't it just mean very practical?

For the record, I identify as straight. Not that it's anyone's business, nor should anyone care. And if I was gay, I'd be okay with that. The fact that cutting my hair off instantly raises eyebrows is what I'm not okay with. A woman has to have long hair? Really?

Not that I put any faith in those Facebook quizzes to find out what color you are, what kind of animal you are, etc. But for fun, I took one today to find out why my old person name would be. I got Murray. And a picture of an old guy.

I'm just going to go bleach my hair platinum, spike it, and be done with it. Talk amongst yourselves.

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